Research - Rehabilitation - Re-Employment

Sgt. Shaft 10/22/2007

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
My father is a 100 percent permanently disabled veteran from World War II. He will be 87 next month. He has recently allowed us to take him to a hospital as he lay on the floor for 16 hours before anyone knew.

I know he must have medical benefits, but I am out of touch now as to what they are. He will need constant care and now he has to go along with it. I am unable to care for him. Would you be able to steer me in the right direction?

Thank you,
Priscilla H.
Everett, Wash.

Dear Priscilla:
I contacted the powers that be at VA and received the following response:

"I spoke with the veteran's daughter yesterday afternoon and then asked the Seattle VA to follow up. Her father was not in Seattle's enrollment database, but they confirmed that he is 100 percent [service-connected disabled]. They spoke with the daughter yesterday afternoon, and then to the social worker at the hospital where the patient is currently being evaluated and treated. They told the daughter and the social worker that they will assist with nursing-home placement or other agreed-upon services to which he is entitled. They will let us know the outcome."

Keep me posted.

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
I had to write after reading the letter from the abused Army spouse and your reply. While you gave correct advice, the last part of your reply probably scared her into silence. I was also an abused spouse, and what kept me quiet for many years was the fear of my husband losing his career and possibly going to jail. We were on E2 pay with two children, and the thing that scared me most was wondering what would happen to my kids if we lost our income.

What you needed to tell her is that her husband can be required to attend anger-management classes and that there are usually other sources in the immediate community that can help her if the abuse continues and/or escalates. Although my abuse continued until I ended the marriage, with help and understanding from her husband's supervisors, his career does not have to end, nor does he have to go to prison. Seeing those words at the end of your reply probably gave her reason to hesitate before she seeks help.

Thank you for what you do — I just thought this one needed more detail.

Sincerely,
Shawn M.
Via the Internet

Dear Shawn:
Good advice. Read on.

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
I was interested when I read your last response to a wife, but my concern is the opposite. I am concerned about my son whose wife is physically, mentally and emotionally abusing him. He has had at least two surgeries since being married. At one point he called me and sounded as if in tears saying he was holding their infant son, and she hit him so hard he fell to his knees.

She is a huge drama queen and has taken my grandsons to the hospital, doctors and any other place that will give her attention so many times that they received a visit from a professional concerned they are abusing the medical insurance. My son has no control over this now, as he is in Iraq. But when he comes home again, I worry. I am not sure what the next step should be.

I have tried talking to him about spousal abuse but he says he will look like a wimp if he says, "Hey, my wife is abusing me." I am sure he is not the only one in the service. Can you please deal with this issue in a way that would help men who are being abused be able to come forward. We are so concerned about women (which I personally know is a huge issue), but men are being abused, too.

Thank you,
Proud mother of a soldier,
Via the Internet

Dear Mom:
Please read on.

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
I have worked with victims of domestic violence in the military and am also a wife of an Army veteran. I was very pleased at how you chose to respond to the spouse in need of services. It is my hope that she will find the strength to take advantage of the resources available to her. I know in general that our military still needs to become proactive instead of reactive to really put a dent in intimate-partner violence.

Veteran's wife
via the Internet

Dear VW:
Thanks for sharing your experience with my readers. I have been inundated with letters concerning military domestic violence. I have shared this concern with the staff of the House Armed Services Committee and with others in the military community. I will have more on this critical issue in future columns.

Send letters to Sgt. Shaft, c/o John Fales, P.O. Box 65900, Washington, D.C. 20035-5900; fax to 301-622-3330; call 202-257-5446 or email sgtshaft@bavf.org.

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