Research - Rehabilitation - Re-Employment

Sgt. Shaft 12/17/2007

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
I know a woman who is married to an army officer. He is emotionally and mentally abusive to her and their daughter. He is very manipulative and controlling. He won't let her have friends. He constantly accuses her of having affairs. He made her stop going to church because he thought she was having an affair with the preacher. He clocks how long it takes her to drive to the office, and if she is even 30 seconds over that time, he berates her for being "late."

She asked for a divorce, and he threatened to "ruin" her and said he would take their daughter away from her. She is terrified of him. My question to you is, as an army officer, if she were to talk to his commanding officer (or even just threaten to do that) is there anything his C.O. could do to him to "suggest" he leave her alone without it appearing on his record? She doesn't want to press charges against him because the abuse is verbal and emotional and she has a hard time believing that is actually abuse because it is not physical ... at least, not yet.

Any advice you can give me that I can pass along to her would be very much appreciated. Thanks for your help.

Betty
Walterboro, S.C.

Dear Sgt. Shaft:
Just a quick note responding to the article you had on "handling military spousal abuse."

I would just like to state that I disagree with the advice you gave to that woman. I have endured some physical and extreme emotional abuse from my active-duty military husband. When I finally contacted his command — it was not taken seriously. They treated me like an outsider and acted like the only thing they were interested in protecting was the military member. They even gave him advice on how to "get the better" of me as far as divorce was concerned. It went all the way up to his senior chief. Now we are separated.

Stephanie D.

Dear Betty and Stephanie:
As I have mentioned in prior columns, I have referred numerous complaints on spousal abuse to the House Armed Service Committee. There is however a program sponsored by the Armed Services YMCA in San Diego. Services, including counseling from licensed social workers, are provided free and confidentially to junior enlisted military families.

Clients may be seen in their own home or at the office, which is located in housing. The counseling program works with a wide range of issues including parenting, financial problems, depression, postpartum depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Military families have the same problems other families do, they are just exacerbated by the strains of deployments, relocation and war. Counseling is typically short term, but many families have been helped for much longer if needed. I believe this type of program should be expanded throughout the entire military community.

Shaft Notes
As our young men and women on active and reserve military duty are spending two and three tours in harm's way, Rep. Charles B. Rangel, New York Democrat, is now silent on previous calls for a draft. Although I agree we should have a draft, I think the first step toward a meaningful conscription is to prosecute those who fail to register under the provisions of the Selective Service System. Right now, that figure is falling short by about 7 percent of those who are required to register.

Even though the Military Selective Service Act provides for a fine of up to $250,000, incarceration up to five years or a combination of the two upon conviction of failing to register with the Selective Service System, the Justice Department confirmed that its policy is not to prosecute the more than 7 percent of those who fail to register.

Under the act, men ages 18 to 25 who reside legally in the United States must register with Selective Service System.

The system and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) have a partnership that involves automatic, electronic and paper registrations. During processing for U.S. citizenship or for a change in status, men are registered automatically by completing certain forms.

So far for this year, registrations from this partnership equal 130,506.

Send letters to Sgt. Shaft, c/o John Fales, P.O. Box 65900, Washington, D.C. 20035-5900; fax to 301-622-3330; call 202-257-5446 or email sgtshaft@bavf.org.

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